The entertainment world is abuzz with excitement over Bachelor host Chris Harrison’s revelation on Access Hollywood that he approached Broncos quarterback and two-second-prayer guru Tim Tebow to be the main stud of the show’s umpteenth season.
At first I was like, Whaaa? And then I was all, Whoa!
Because (OK, for fun, let’s say this could actually happen) this might actually be the best season of The Bachelor ever. If you thought doofy, Anton Chigurh–haired winemaker Ben Flajnik was an offbeat choice, wait till you see how craisins it gets when Tebow of Nazareth meets his pantheon of gals forced to compete for his affection NON-SEXUALLY.
Or maybe, if we’re lucky, very sexually. The sexual tension would be off the hook. Tebow, a red-blooded 20-something, has his pick of the litter, and we’d watch him try to overcome his sexual urges and sanctimoniously choose the most pious of the bunch. And wait — zowie! — how’d they throw a wrench in the plot? Turns out one of final contenders for Tebow’s heart is a surprise Jew, a feminist and a Jezebel writer! And Tebow doesn’t know which one!
We’ll watch as the increasingly uncomfortable star struggles to reconcile his feelings and his faith before finally leaving the show in a huff before the final rose is given out. That’s assuming there will even be roses. Why give flowers when you can simply Tebow at the top contenders?
BEST. BACHELOR. EVER.