16 Bizarre 19th-Century Euphemisms for ‘Vagina’

By Jennie Goldstein

Back (and front) by popular demand! There’s a lot of real talk going on about ladybusiness these days. Some men want to give us transvaginal ultrasounds and restrict our access to reproductive healthcareOther men don’t. But the one thing both groups have in common: Neither one can say the word “vagina.” Clearly, the world needs better terminology.

So, inspired by “38 Slang Terms From Colonial Times,” we present a highly edited list of our favorite Georgian Age euphemisms for a woman’s “monosyllable.”

Crude and absurdly sexist, these 200-year-old terms made us giggle for their, um, descriptive qualities. (See CARVEL’S RING — you will never look at an ice cream cake the same way again.) Which is why they’re perfect for 2012, the year the GOP frontrunner talked endlessly about rolling our reproductive rights back to the 19th century. We need an 1800s vocabulary to talk about our ladybusiness.

Start practicing now! If Dave Albo had said “trans–doodle sack” instead of “trans-v,” he’d probably have gotten laid that night.